How to Support a Loved One with an Eating Disorder
Disclaimer: this is written from the lens of supporting someone who is aware they have an eating disorder and is seeking/receiving professional support in their recovery
Educate Yourself - Read books, articles, and content that helps you understand their experience, the research, the symptoms, possible medical complications, and ways diet culture/fatphobia is present in our society and in your home.
Ask them how they want to be supported. - This is going to be different for everyone and also vary depending on where they are in their recovery journey. It’s okay if they do not have concrete suggestions or an answer to this question. It opens the dialogue and lets them know you are open to feedback if something they are doing to support them isn't feeling very supportive or if they do think of something that would be helpful in the future.
Try not to be the food police - Depending on your relationship with the person struggling (parent vs. friend etc) and their age, your role might differ. Accountability can be an important part of one’s recovery process but who that accountability is coming from, might impact how it lands with the person struggling. If they have a team of professionals, that can be a good source of accountability. Yes, the ultimate goal is for someone to be able to hold themselves accountable, but it is a journey there and it is normal for motivation to fluctuate throughout recovery.
Do not comment on their body (or anyone else’s) EVEN if you are trying to give a compliment or feel it is well intended - This is a lose, lose situation. You might be unintentionally triggering or reinforcing the eating disorder. Weight fluctuations can be a normal part of the recovery process and they are likely already hyper aware of their and others’ bodies.
Support yourself! - Go to your own therapy and know your own limits. Recognize when your reactions to your loved one are less about them and more about some of your own unmet needs. Seeing someone you deeply care about struggle can be really draining and eating disorders can put strain on relationships. You deserve to feel heard and supported in this process too. You can’t be there for your loved one, if you aren’t taking care of yourself; plus it's modeling good self-care (and I don’t mean the getting a massage and your nails done kind of self-care)!
Be willing to evaluate your own relationship with food, your body and exercise - One of the most helpful things we can do is to model a healthy relationship with your body, food and exercise. This is no small feat as we live in a world rampant with diet culture, internalized anti-fatness and weight stigma. It is not just for them, you also deserve to experience food freedom and body liberation.
Know that there is not one sole cause of eating disorders - they are complex emotional disorders that have many contributing factors like genetic predispositions, culture, trauma, biological factors, and emotional distress; eating disorders are not a choice and ambivalence about the recovery process is completely normal.
If you or someone you know is struggling with disordered eating or an eating disorder, seek professional help and take the first step into recovery. Eating disorder therapy can provide you with the education, tools, and support to reach full recovery. Reach out to schedule your free consultation call today here!